The Triumph of Bullshit

illinoisairship:

Any girl can be pretty, but for true pants-tightening appeal there has to be something working against you just a little bit. It could be a scar you got when you were little, braces or a mole right off center of your nose- that’s what will make you memorable to dudes. Otherwise, it’s two guys trying and failing to describe you like “Hey do you remember that cute girl from last night?” Which one? “Uh, she had brown hair, a white t-shirt and um… yeah. I’m hungry.” That’s why you got to put those supposed flaws front and center and rock that shit. You’ve got a back brace? Rock it. Chipped tooth? It makes you brassy. Fake leg? Don’t stress. If Paul McCartney got down, someone else will too.

I used to date this girl in high school who had a mild case of tourettes. It wasn’t like she yelled out “cockshitfuckassmotherfucker” at restaurants, but every now and then she’d let out a quiet and almost imperceptible “Mhmph.” Man, that shit used to drive me wild. Imperfection is where it’s at.

This is also an accurate diagram of reblogging. Stop doing it, people! Social distancing!

Hah, yeah that’s funny and totally sexy except for that whole part about the white wicker furniture set. Have you gone shopping anywhere besides Montgomery Ward in 1985?

Oh, you know, the usual Monday night.

Me and Kareem are gearing up to exact some revenge on Kari for slandering this great man’s name. Put on your infrared targets, Williamsburg.

Could someone quick make a Greasemonkey script to replace all Tumblr hearts and Twitter stars with these? TIA.

dogs-looking-like-people:

hey it looks like you have some leftover steak there what are you going to do with that because i have some ideas

A rare, undocumented moment of N.W.A post-“arriving at the fort”, but pre-“sweatin’ all the bitches in the biker shorts”.