The Triumph of Bullshit

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Do you even have to guess when he traveled back to, based on that hair?

Never-Say-Neverisms

• Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
• Don’t use no double negatives.
• Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn’t.
• Reserve the apostrophe for it’s proper use and omit it when its not needed.
• Do not put statements in the negative form.
• Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
• No sentence fragments.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
• Steer clear of incorrect verb forms that have snuck into the language.
• Take the bull by the hand in leading away from mixed metaphors.
• Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• Try to never split infinitives.
• Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
• Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
• I must have told you a million times to resist hyperbole.
• Also, avoid awkward and affected alliteration.
• “Avoid overuse of ‘quotation “marks” ’ “.
• Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
• A writer must not shift your point of view.
• And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
• Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!
• Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of ten or more words, to their antecedents.
• Write all adverbial forms correct.
• Avoid un-necessary hyphenation.
• When dangling, watch your participles.
• It is incumbent on us to avoid archaic phrases.
• Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
• It’s hard to imagine a phrase when you will have needed the future perfect.
• Unqualified superlatives are the worst.
• A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.
• Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.

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